Gone
by EmySA
Summary: Edward loses Bella during childbirth, but gains Renesmee. Human Contemplation : Something lost something gained. Sorry, I suck at summaries!
1. Chapter 1

**Hope you like it! Its my first fanfic!**

She was gone. Bella was gone, **my Bella was gone**,and there was nothing I could do to bring her back**. **Guilt, anger and grief washed over me, the only thing that **mattered **now lay motionless wrapped in a white sheet. Then I remembered a face. Chocolate brown eyes with pink cheeks and soft curls, **Renesmee **the baby Bella had died for. Probably being smothered with kisses by Rosalie right now who was also probably rejoicing the fact that Bella was gone. I wasn't mad, Rosalie couldn't have kids and even though her intentions were evil in my opinion, this was the closest she was getting. I walked over to the main living space where Esme is cradling Renesmee in her arms, without saying anything, she knows. She walks over and places Renesmee in my arms; the smiling baby looks up at me. I feel warmth spread through my ice-cold body, even though she can't ever replace what I've lost, she opens up new space in my heart. I kiss her soft forehead and rock her back and forth, until she falls asleep. I walk up the stairs to the nursery Alice designed and look around; the walls are pale blues and soft yellows, on the right a large dark wooden mirror reflects my image. My glassy eyes, pale skin and hollow expression just remind me more of what I've lost. Id always thought if I lost her I would kill myself, but the little girl in my arms gave me a reason to live, to smile at her every time she woke up, to sing for her every time she fell asleep and love her, the way father should.

**Pls review if you like! Constructive criticism is always appreciated! **


	2. Chapter 2

That night I held Renesmee in my arms for hours. Just marveling what I had and mourning what I had lost. I think Rosalie understood, though, I could hear her thoughts were a bit annoyed. Jacob always seemed **there, **watching from the hallway, standing next to me asking for a turn, as if Renesmee was some kind of prize. I knew he was probably hurting on the inside like I was, with my every move. I loved to listen to Renesmee's thoughts at night. They were pure and simple, like a baby's should be. It breaks my heart every time she gets frustrated because Bella isn't there. I take Renesmee down stairs to the den, where Rosalie, Jasper, Alice, Emmett and Carlisle are watching a movie. They all coo and cuddle with her, but Alice curls up in a fetal position and her eyes become glassy. Of course Alice would miss Bella like us, they were the closest of everybody else in this room. As soon as I realize this I give Alice a hug, when her silence becomes dry sobbing. We sit back on the couch when Renesmee touches my arm with her hand and an image comes into my head, I freeze in confusion. "What the hell" I mutter, and Rosalie gasps and scolds me for cursing next to the baby. The image is what has me the most perplexed, even though right now Renesmee is the size of a new born, her intelligence is scary, not like that she thinks like a child, but she does know things we haven't taught her. The image is me and Bella holding her inside the nursery, Bella is human and wearing the bloody clothes she had when she gave birth to Renesmee, but this doesn't have an effect on her, as Bella holds her and tells her how much she loves her, me on the other side kissing Bella's cheek and admiring our family. I become transfixed with image and fantasy and reality mix themselves up in my head. **For a minute everything is all right.**

**Hope you liked it! I realize this is probably just going to be a series of one-shots, but what the hell. Please review and tell me what you think! Constructive criticism is great!**


	3. Chapter 3

***Renesmee does not age as quickly as she does in the book and has more human like traits**. **This chapter is a bit lighter, a break from the heavy chapters I've written before**

Weeks soon passed, everything remained the same. Charlie was still trying to grasp the fact that Bella was gone. Renesmee was growing fast, not quite a toddler, but definitely more than a newborn. Her bronze colored hair had grown out a bit, so her curls were now evident, and her heart shape face and full pink cheeks made her a very healthy looking baby. Her unnaturally long eyelashes framed her chocolate brown eyes and gave her a very "Bella" like appearance. I felt as though playing the father role, took my mind off Bella a bit. Our family had decided we didn't want her missing out on childhood experiences, so we often took family trips. It was a Tuesday around 10:00 A.M and Renesmee had just woken up, when Esme decided she wanted to cook some human food. Esme often used cooking to take her mind off things. I offered to go to the grocery store and buy some ingredients that she need. Making food she couldn't eat used to seem silly to me, but not anymore. Alice had dressed Renesmee, who came crawling across the floor and grabbing onto my leg. "Go with" she muttered. Renesmee loved going to grocery stores, seeing all the people. I had just hunted the night before so the human scents wouldn't be a problem. I picked her up and walked out to my car. The drivers seat mirror was down with a photo of Bella taped on to it. Renesmee pointed to it and said "Momma", we kept a frame photo in her room of Bella, that she said goodnight to everyday. Sometimes I would walk into her room and she would be sitting in her crib talking baby gibberish to the Bella photo. The ride was short, and we were soon at our destination. We walked in, and Renesmee was determined to say "hi" at everyone in sight. I walked over to the bakery, with Renesmee in my arms and bought Renesmee a cookie. Even most of the time she preferred blood she did enjoy human sweets. Making sure she couldn't choke I perfectly split the cookie into small pieces, a quantity fit for a baby. We walked around, Renesmee taking everything in, until we had everything we needed. Suddenly Renesmee reached and touched my face, showing me she had to "go". Bad. This was not something I was prepared for, she was not yet potty trained, and I didn't have any extra diapers. Stealing was really not my thing. But what the hell, I walked over to the babies' aisle and look around. A pack of baby's pampers was just in reach. I looked around and ripped open the bag pulled out a diaper and scooped up Renesmee in my arms and ran to the men's bathroom fast enough so that a human wouldn't able to see me. I went to the men's because going into the woman's restroom seemed wrong, but neither option was particularly pleasant. I hadn't been in a public restroom for what might have been centuries, but not much changed. I saw three men at urinals and gave them a glare that said enough for them to run out as fast as they could. I saw a changing station and pulled it down. The stench of human baby, and human baby waste disgusted me. Renesmee was enough vampire, that she really didn't smell like a full human. I wiped down the station and changed Renesmee, who giggled the whole time. We checked out and went home. Sometimes even a grocery trip is hectic for a vampire.

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